2.8

I went back. I knew if I didn't go back exactly one week later I'd never go again. I lost 2.8 pounds. Whee, I'm an Olsen twin!

The lecturer asked how Weight Watchers helped me last week. I told her I wasn't going to lie- I didn't write a thing down. What helped was just developing more awareness. Not calculating every point and recording it (which I don't have the patience for), but keeping a running tab in my head and making decisions: I can have either this or that but not both. The night before I'd been at Bahama Breeze, the type of cheezy theme restaurant I'll admit to loving. My coworker and I ordered two appetizers: hot spinach & artichoke dip with tortilla chips and a chicken quesadilla. I decided that since I was having that- in moderation of course- I couldn't also have the sugary ice-creamy pina colada I usually order there. So I'm not only tiny, I'm a paragon of virtue.

I'm trying to learn how 'normal' people eat. A thin former coworker and I often went to lunch at the nearby Thai or Mexican restaurants. I, and any other diet-attempting types at the table would carefully eat only half of the large portion and get a box for the rest. The 120 pounder would routinely demolish her entire platter of food. One day I asked her, as we were heading back from lunch at 2:00 pm, what she would eat that evening. She shrugged and said "Nothing. I'm done for the day."

Here's what that sounded like to me: "I can stay underwater for seven minutes." or "I jumped over the Grand Canyon on my motorcycle." or "I learned Portugese in three days."

To just stop eating for the day at 2 pm seems like a super-human feat to me. I can't do it. I don't want to do it Please may I never have to do it.

My mother lost about 30 pounds in her early 40s and has kept it off ever since. Her afternoon snack is ten almonds. Not nine, not twelve, but ten. Always ten. Once a week she has a cinnamon raisin bagel for breakfast. Just once a week. Never twice.

I don't think I'm ever going to be her either.

What I think is going to work for me on a long-term basis is not having the mentality of "I'm going to have this fattening thing today, because tomorrow I'm starting a diet and will never be able to have it again...". 'Fattening' things are no longer forbidden fruit and are somewhat less seductive as a result.

In other news, I'm going to a career counselor on Tuesday. Figuring out what I'm going to do next is both daunting and exciting. Mostly daunting. And pleeeeeeze don't give me the "No one is hiring in this economy" spiel. The unemployment rate is significantly lower for college graduates. My having a masters may improve my odds a little more. And the attitude I'm taking is that if I can't get through a door I'll break a window.

Now I just need to find a rock.