Monday, November 23, 2009

Nice Hoobies

I've been perusing Scandinavian singles ads. Why? Who cares why. The point of this post is best expressed by this 43 year old gentleman from Reykjavik:

"I’m Icelandic and lived 15 years in the Sweden’s. I write some and read and talk in Icelandic and Swedish, but I promise you ,you will laugh sometimes for some words come out wrong, but hey, its good to laugh."

Ja, it is. So I present the following Icelandic dating site gems:

"I am 6 feet tall and i have a brown eye ball,and also a round face."

"I'm mechanic and have always work wery mush"

"I grew up in Reykjavik. I spend my time with my son and at the jim and studien."

"I'm just looking for the right girl. I want to spend the life with her."

"My hoobies is camping cykling and ATV and snowcross "

i dont what to write here, is this enough? i dont know man!"


I love that last one.

And 'hoobies' is my new favorite word.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Time and Weather

Tonight's time and weather is brought to you by...Perimenopause!

The time is 1:45 AM. The weather is cloudy with intermittent 300 degree hot flashes.

The forecast calls for continued memory loss "His last name was....um... um... hold on...OMG, I can't believe I forgot this.... um...oh yeah! Berndtson!"

We recommend a time travel vacation to a 1980s destination, preferably at a time when you were reasonably thin.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming (a phrase no one under 35 would understand- but that's ok because you're a decade and a half older than that, and before you know it you'll be getting discounts when you go to the zoo!)

Good night and sleep well.

Monday, November 09, 2009

The Unicorn Flu

Overheard by brusque, manly-man type: "I'm not feeling good. Maybe I got the pig flu."

Sorry to hear it manly man, but pig flu? Eww.

Not to hog (wha ha) too much space with this, but here's another non-kosher snippet:

Coworker #1: My boyfriend is home sick with the flu
Coworker #2: "Oh no. Regular or....oink oink?"

"Regular or oink oink?" Don't get me started on how many ways that is not an ok sentence. Not ok. Soooo not ok, Ugh! . Ok, I'll get over it.
In a few years. I hope.

Let's face it, Swine flu is simply a disgusting name for a disease. And while -to it's credit- it may not conjure nasty, rabid hog-like imagery, H1N1 doesn't exactly trip lightly off the tongue.

Enough Swine flu. Enough H1N1. More than enough (even though it was only one instance "Oink o... No, I'm not even going to finish that one.

I hereby propose a new name: The Unicorn flu.

If one is fortunate enough to contract Unicorn flu, gentle white mythical steeds with gossamer wings will transport them through rainbow-filled skies to utopian destinations. Where everyone is healthy. And no one says "Regular or..?"

Unicorn flu.

Admit it. It's better.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Space Flower


Remember all the photos I took a while back of my beloved fiber optic nightlight? I'm at it again.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Happy Halloween


As in I actually had a happy one.

Halloween last year? If you are seized with the desire to know how bad Halloween '08 in Jacksonville, NC was, ask me to tell you the vaguely-amusing fried pickle story.

You want to hear it now? Ok, basically a hot-out-of-the fryer, lightly-battered pickle wedge saved my life. I thought it was fried zucchini and then I bit into it and realized I was in the deep south and it was a pickle and it was just funny dammit, at a time when nothing was very funny at all.

I'm easily wounded emotionally, but all it takes is something like a fried pickle to bring me back.

Overall I'd say I'm lucky.

Halloween this year featured a fun party at work. The pic is of the orange and grape Kool-aid - made with half the sugar- and ginger ale punch I brought. That's white plastic bats frozen in a jello mold of Kool-aid in the middle. If I could spend my days doing things like freezing white plastic bats in Kool-Aid, I'd be a very happy woman.

I went to a party Halloween night with a pirates and princesses theme. I went as a JAP (Jewish American Pirate). Other than telling you the costume involved skull and crossbone stockings and a dollar store tiara, I'll leave it to your imagination.