"Atkins??! Noooo. You don't want to do that. Just go on the Brittney diet!"
These words of wisdom are dispensed to me from the Penelope's coffee shop girls, one of whom - a sweet 23 year old artist- has a swingy chalk-white ponytail. Feigning interest, I ask for an explanation of the Brittney diet. "Half!" I'm told. "Just eat half of whatever you want!"
Next she'll tell me to try 100-calorie packs of Oreos.
I want to tell you this seriously: Do not ever give me a 100-calorie pack of Oreos. Giving me a 100-calorie pack of Oreos is like giving a lion a meatball. It's just not enough and you could encounter a dangerous reaction.
Do not give me little feather-weight packets of anything unless you plan on giving me six or seven. Granted, if you give me multiples I will proceed to do what I did with my one-week supply of daily, Barbie-sized, Jenny Craig chocolate bars: I will eat them all within 10 minutes. Actually, probably more like 5. The Jenny Craig incident happened well over 10 years ago, but I assure you I have not changed.
What it comes down to is I am not capable of moderation when it comes to anything involving sugar and / or flour. Yeah, I know, you are and that's great, but sugar and flour are my heroin. You don't tell someone to just cut back on their heroin usage.
Yes, I know the Atkins diet has risks. Yes, I know many gain all the weight back after they stop. Yes, I know it's gross to live on animal carcasses and celery, but going low carb is the only way I've ever lost weight.
So if Wendy's (ugh, I'm referring to myself in the 3rd person) Incredible Weight Loss Journey is ever going to start in earnest low carb it will have to be.
Let's just hope I don't eat seven bunless cheeseburgers.
can you eat an Atkins Cupcake?
ReplyDeleteI don't know. I've yet to encounter the Atkins cupcake. If they taste anything like the real thing, I'd probably eat the whole batch.
ReplyDelete