Planet *uckin'

An auto salvage yard paid me $150 for my car and towed it away. I was sad to see it go. I'd fantasized that it was the miracle disposable car. One day, I dreamed,it would reach the half a million mile mark. Perhaps I should have fantasized further and given it retractable rotoblades to whirrrr me up out of traffic all together.

I haven't started shopping for a new car yet. My village lifestyle and my capacity to walk fast and far have made securing a new vehicle a less-than-urgent matter. I may even choose to not have a car for a while. What may make me cave is the idiots with whom I must share my occassional public transit foray.

I am becoming convinced that there are an increasing number of Americans whose practicing vocabulary consists of 200 or fewer words. Why, they must rationalize to themselves, bother with tedious adjectives when the word fuckin' can be substituted for just about anything?

At the bus stop I encountered three groups of people. Young man in group #1 " I hate it when people fuckin' text message me cuz I have to pay for that fuckin' shit. They're fuckin' idiots." Woman in group #2 turning to man with her "Hey, what the fuck're you doing? I fuckin told you not to fuckin' do that." The verbiage of group #3 contained roughly the same number of fuckins.

When I lived in Portland, I had next door neighbors I thought of as The Fuckins. They were three construction workers in their 20s who smoked their countless cigarettes on their balcony, thus unwittingly treating me to their witty repartee: "Yeah my fuckin' boss, my fuckin' girlfriend, fuckin', fuckin' fuckin'..."

I told my friend Tracy that the Fuckins would end up setting the building on fire. They did. This was not a psychic prediction, just one based on the fact that they balanced their cigarettes on the ledge of the wooden balcony.

Anyway, America is full of fuckins and I'm having a hard time daaling with it I'm starting to see all these fuckins as being something less than human. Perhaps one day when a toddler answers "moo" and "baa" to the questions what does a cow say and what does a sheep say, he will also proudly answer "fuckin'!!" when asked "What does an uneducated,apathetic, vocabulary-impoverished idiot say?"

I think I better start carrying my Ipod with me when I take the bus.