Next I'll Throw a TV in the Hotel Pool

I locked myself in my bathroom today. It's simple: I was curious to see if the locked worked, as I'd never tried using it.

It worked. Too well. It kept me locked in from the inside.

I stayed calm. For about 45 seconds. I scanned my tiny bathroom for some sort of tool. My search yielded a barrette. I fantasized that with one deft toggle I'd be free. 27 clumsy toggles later I was still trapped, and composed as a chimpanzee on crack.

Not only am I high strung, I am extremely claustrophobic. I can't even stand sleeping in a bed with the covers tucked in. I wanted out and I wanted out now.

For the first time in my life, a bathroom scale became my friend. I picked it up and smashed it into the door. Ah, victory. A small tear produced a window of light. Somewhere between ten to fifteen increasingly vigourous smashes later I had produced a large enough hole to climb through.

Of all the things I try to be grateful for, I will now have "Not being trapped in my bathroom" on my list.

I needed to get back to work, but stopped into the leasing office first to tell them what had happened. Let me start by saying that I am a perfect tenent. I pay my rent on time, if not early. I'm ridiculously quiet. I'm 47 years old and I wear a lot of pink and well...I don't exactly look like some party animal who goes around smashing in doors. The arrogant and condescending property manager (he had never bothered me thus far, but everyone in the building hates him) wasn't swayed by these facts. He's, um, (I'm whispering): he likes boys and kind of right out of central casting about it. When I told him what had happened, he gave me a special look and said "Do you think maaaaybe you overreacted? Couldn't you maaaaaybe have just kicked the door?" He made it very clear that he had superior breaking-out-of-bathroom skills and I did not. Ok then. For some reason I didn't get angry. I stated the facts, signed a work order and walked back to work.

When I came home four hours later the entire door had been smashed in. As in pieces of door and door splinters, but no actual door. Maybe tomorrow they'll put in a new door. Maybe they won't. All I can say is that I'm happy I'm sitting here at my desk, watching the shipping traffic on the Bay.

Benihana of Twenty Something

I once read that Benihana of Tokyo is so inauthentic that in Tokyo it is called Benihana of New York.

Anyway, Benihana is where I spent my Saturday evening. The occassion was my coworker Jamie's bachelorette party. Her bridesmaids in attendance were in their 20s; the other coworkers she'd invited were 21 and just-turned 30.
My coworkers had told me they really wanted me to be there. For some reason, at this somewhat advanced stage in my life, people in their 20s like me. One of them last night said "Wendy, you tell the best stories." Maybe that has something to do with it.


The whole Benihana rapid-whacking -up- of -meat- and -vegetables thing was cheesy but fun. I pronounced this loudly whistling, steam plume-producing onion 'freakish and wrong' but it was quite good with gingery dipping sauce.

Coworkers Ashley and Diana. Diana, the one on the left, is pretty close to being a perfect coworker. She is really sweet. She reminds me in ways of a coworker in Phoenix named Meghan who had a lovely, lilting voice and was always in a good mood. When I was all but banging my forehead against my desk in administrative-overload frustration, Meghan would e-mail me pictures of puppies and offer me half of her Twix bar.
Jamie, the bride-to-be. The wedding is August 11th.

Why yes, we do!

One of my coworkers hung up from an incoming call Friday, turned to me and said "Wendy, you are not going to believe this one. "

They guy she'd been talking to had told her he'd been a truck driver for years. In what she says sounded like total seriousness, he explained that he now wanted to become a bounty hunter. Did we offer a degree in that?

Congratulations ____ and ______

I live next door to the Landmark, a facility that hosts wedding receptions. Every weekend the marquee changes at least three times, sometimes just a few hours apart: Congratulations Kim and Devin. Congratulations Brittney and Bill. Congratulations Julie and Corey.

It is both heartwarming and amusing to see the variety of bridesmaid's dresses. Today I slowed my car to allow a bridesmaid to dash across the street from the parking lot into the building. The bridezilla to whom she was attending had not chosen the dresses wisely. The dress looked like a pastel flowered clingy white nightgown. It had wispy spaghetti straps. The bridesmaid was at least a size 18 and had several large tattoos on her arms and back. I wish I had gotten a picture of her. She was just really interesting visually. Her face was sweet and she was very likeable as she tottered on her heels in the rain, trying to make it inside before her carefully styled hair got wet.

Yep, That's My Plan

I am lucky to have a wonderful, fun, 27 year old manager. He's a very positive person and maintains an upbeat atmosphere without being cloying. He not only tolerates my silliness and sarcasm, he encourages it.

Sample dialogue:

Him: Hey Everyone! Wendy's appointment is here. She's going to enroll this guy! Right Wendy?
Me: Yep.
Him: Hey Everyone! She's not only going to enroll him, she's going to get him to do his application before he leaves. Right Wendy?
Me: Yep.

Pause

Me: You know, I think that's not enough. I'm going to do something more.
Him: Hey Everyone! Wendy's going to do something more!
Me: Yeah, getting him enrolled and getting the app isn't enough. I'm going to usher in a new era of world peace.
Him: Hey Everyone! Wendy's going to usher in a new era of world peace!

International House of Dogs

When I opened this picture, sent to me by my sister, my reaction reminded me of something my niece had said to me a few years ago. Said niece, who was in her sophomore year of Reed College, and I were at a crosswalk in Northwest Portland waiting to cross the street. Out of the blue Sarah said to me "Wendy, please don't gnaw too loudly." Baffled, I asked her what that was supposed to mean. She informed me that there was a really cute dog behind me and that whenever I see a cute dog I burst forth with a resounding "Nawwwwwwww!"

The title of this post comes from the fact that Zoe is a Shibu Inu, Brooklyn is an...er.. New Yorker, and Sierra's ancestors were of course from the land down under.

Pink Thoughts / Views from an Apartment

"Pink Thoughts" by the Swedish artist Charlotta Sandberg became mine thanks to a winning ticket at a holiday party art auction in Sweden. I didn't really take anything with me to Phoenix, so this is the first time I've had it in my home.

A glimpse of my bedroom, including mirrored closet doors (bad feng shui, but good for extending the water view and for getting dressed in the morning). Couldn't get the lighting right on this pic (too dark without flash), but it gives you an idea.

Yes I know I've shown this view before but it's a little different each time depending on what's going on on the water and how visible the mountain is. And after living in a room in Phoenix that looked out onto a wall, I don't think I will ever get tired of this view.

Trophy Wives

After my mother read my "Ted Nugent School of Home Decorating" post, she told me she had recently read an Ann Landers column about almost the exact same situation. She said the woman in the column had complained about her husband's (similarly) appalling taste in decor, and that the woman in the column had draped the deer head trophies with sheets whenever they had company over.

Maybe it was the same jerk's ex-wife? Or perhaps there are more women out there than we realize who are having to live with dead animal heads on their walls. If so, maybe there should be a support group. I think 'Trophy Wives' would be a good name.

Views from a Train (Tacoma to Bellingham)

The nebulous forms in the background are the San Juan islands. You see blurry, I see mystical. Let's call the whole thing off.
This post is an experiment to see if the text works better below the photo (as I usually do) or above (as in the caption about the San Juan islands). Let me know what you think.